Hit & Run May 17th: Bites from a Legal Cowpie

Ham-Handed Burglar: When a would-be bandit walked into a deli and told the owner it was a stickup, the counterman grabbed a huge hard salami and clobbered the thief with it, breaking his nose and knocking him to the floor. Streaming blood from his broken nose, he ran from the deli and tried to hide in a nearby parked car.

Bad choice -- the car belonged to undercover cops, who were happy to take the thief to get medical help. From the doctor at the local lockup.

Moot Court: A convict in a Nevada prison is suing the state, claiming that he has been subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. His tribulation? He ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter, and received one jar of chunky and one of smooth.

Horrors!

There Go the Judge! In England, a somewhat drunken couple decided to make love in the dark road beneath a burned-out streetlight. In the midst of their passion, a bus ran over them, killing them both. The police decided the bus driver was not at fault and that the illicitly intimate couple bore the entire burden of blame for their own deaths.

The judge, however, disagreed, saying the driver's skill was "below standard", and suspended the bus driver's license for six months.

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