Why Men Are Just Happier Than Women

HUMOR

Thanks to my brother-in-law for this useful synopsis, which he recommended I forward to "women who can handle it and men who will enjoy it". Since I assume that all my readers will qualify, I post it here.

Men are just happier people—for a number of reasons that aren't necessarily fair, but who ever said life was fair?

Your last name stays put. Your garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You can realistically consider being President. You will never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, same pay. But you don't have to avoid jobs that call for math or physical science.

Wrinkles add character.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.

The occasional "wardrobe malfunction" is greeted with a friendly "XYZ, man!"

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Maybe generations.

You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, works for all seasons.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on December 24th in 24 minutes.

So you do.

No wonder men are happier!
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