Weekly BlogScan: April Fools

Traditionally, April Fools jokes must be played before noon. After noon, jokesters are likely to hear "April Fool's is past and done; you're a fool and I am none." So quickly scanning the blogs before lunchtime netted me a number of questionable items.

Aerial Bacon Dept: He may be One Dumb Brit, but he's no fool. He gives his take on Zimbabwe's Mugabe and the recent elections, Conservative law-and-order promises in Britain, and international pressure on Sudan. Closer to the ground, Hedwig_the_Owl clues us in to the Rare Kakapoo breeding program and Pink Floyd appearances in Utah.

American Icons Dept: Blogger Tung Yin has decoded the Randy Jackson American Idol code—if he says, "Wow" and wipes his forehead, it's bad. And President Bush has issued a stunning reversal of his immigration policy, ordering the National Guard to "seal borders with Mexico," according to American Patrol's Glenn Stewart. More Bush news comes via Bob Blogger—check out the latest recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor.

   CollarUp Condom Security

Gism Dept: CAUTION: Sites include slide show or postings with "anatomically correct" photos. Las Vegas Candi reports that the "first 'official' drowning by female ejaculation has been recorded." Candi's own stated abilities give a weird spin to another statement: "takes about 30 minutes to fill my 85 gallon tub." Not content with seconds, Drunken Stepfather weighs in on the Condom Collar, a safety device for those times when "using a condom alone doesn't kill the mood enough."

Health and Welfare Dept: "Hey, foo!" Mr. T goes off on an innocent McDonald's clerk. And Dashboard's LT caught this Google product rollout: "...any piece of information's usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who's using it. That's why we're pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of "smart drinks" designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty." Use it to wash down the curious selection of organ meats reported by Dominion Road's Kelsey Grant. Ummm, lamb's penis...

   Truth on a day of lies.

Lost in Translation Dept: Aljustrel resident Chlodowig, the local voice of complaint and conscience (see picture), asks gently (in Portugese), "Are motorists meant to detour up the staircase?" And Deborah's Portugese Bla-bla-blog notes an apology by the BBC for requesting an interview with Bob Marley, 24 years after the musician's death. Canadian toaster-tester Patrick Connelly dares to ask the really big questions, like, "If there is no God, then who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?"

Sinister Conspiracies Dept: The BlogCritics Omnibus Fool's Day Parade is headed by that demmed bunny drummer; it keeps going, and going...
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