Saturday, December 25, 2004

Books for Christmas! Yay!

My family, knowing my taste, usually gives me books for Christmas. Being the intelligent, thoughtful people they are, they find things that have somehow escaped my notice.

My better half gave me a fantasy paperback because "I knew you've never buy this for yourself!" Tinker by Wen Spencer is the tale of an eighteen-year-old girl in Pittsburgh. The catch is, Pittsburgh is now only on Earth for one 24-hour period every 30 days. The rest of the time it's on Elfhome, a parallel universe where the Elf Council is in charge. Tinker runs a scrapyard with her cousin Oilcan. (Not their real names, of course—in a magical land, it's not safe to give your real name.) As you can imagine, a girl who has her own source of cold iron in fairyland is no one to trifle with.

The cover says, "Buffy fans should find a lot to like!" I'll try not to let that stop me...

Mom sent me "A novel from the unfinished manuscript by Charlotte Brontë", Emma Brown by Clare Boylan. The original text apparently consisted of a "teasing opening" found in Brontë's papers. The cover text is all quotes from congratulatory reviews, and there is no excerpt inside the front cover, so I applied the Rule of 33:
...was well content to listen while he held forth on worldly matters of which I had no knowledge and in which his parents had little interest.
///He spoke of the exploitation of small children in mills and mines, of people of the colonies sold into slavery. When he introduced these unwelcome elements of the outside world the children looked enchanted, Mrs. Cornhill appeared mortified and her whiskered spouse seemed thoroughly confused by the intrusion of plain conversation upon the business of dining...

Good one, Mom!

From my in-laws, Earle and Susie, I got a divination tool, The Movie Book of Answers by Carol Bolt. Every page contains a different quote from a movie character. According to the instructions, here's how you use this book:
  1. Hold the closed book in your hand, or your lap, or on a table.

  2. Take 10 or 15 second to concentrate on your questions. Questions should be phrased closed-end [sic] e.g. "Is the job I'm applying for the right one?" or "Should I travel this weekend?"

  3. While visualizing or speaking your question (one question at a time), place one hand palm down on the book's front cover and stroke the edge of the pages, back to front.

  4. When you sense the time is right, open the book and there will be your answer.

  5. Repeat the process for as many questions as you have.

Okay, so here's my question: "Does this answer book really work?" (Following instructions, despite a disclaimer that "Hyperion and the author of this book take no credit or responsibility for what The Movie Book of Answers advises or the results thereof.")

The answer? "It [could] be bogus." —Duckie, Pretty in Pink.

Oops, I better try again—let's rephrase the question. "Can this book really give me answers?" Ah: "It could work." —Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein.

All right! Thanks, Earle and Susie!


Anonymous happy said...

I wanna book with Christmas quotes!

12/18/2007 6:18 AM  
Blogger samraat said...

4/03/2010 9:14 PM  

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